Of sentry (:

short note: focus focus focus!

woke up this morning and for some reason sat myself down on the Chair peering out to the familiar red gate. I wonder when was the last time i really sat there alone. what used to be a place of solace has now become nothing but memories. time flies and in just few more months im gone hehs..

note to self:

get my self to BB tomorrow!

commitment

short note: feels so hard to commit to anything. why?

i am going to revive this blog. this time really.
been having a tough time committing to anything lately. for 2 months long all i'd done was making empty promises to myself and hope that things are going to sort out by it self. Enough i say. Nothing is going to happen unless i do it on my own. but its so hard.. ):

i am not really sure what is it but after that 'supposed' holiday i'm really down on something. i tried by best to avoid falling into depression again but after a few weeks i gave in. its too much really. life is too much and im too stupid. that being said, i have to buck up seriously. i have 4 more months to complete what i set out to do. and i have to start now.

hope its not too late..

short note: this is my brain. shoot it.

while it may seems that change is inevitable, the fact that the world is more constant than volatile is less than obvious. how could it be when everyday seems like a chaos; when a bomb exploded there, a man killed here and waves just plunge a great country to her knee? but strip bare of everything, its all the same old story with better coverage.

'in all the chaos routine is a salvation'

its just wrong :(

short note: so thats how it is now.

there is something seriously wrong about trying to be something you're not. you should know that by doing so you'll end up neither here nor there in this world. imitation only goes as far. sure it is cute the first few moments but afterward you're going to be a pain in ass. no kidding.

but imitation is not what im talking about exactly. its more about trying so hard to be something, to fit in a place where you dont. the act of making a fool of yourself in the long run :) because in this world you either fit in or you stand out. you have to understand that there are people trying their best to stand out from the rest. and there you are trying to fit in. bah. never satisfied. when you are born that way, FLAUNT IT.

i believe there is a path created for everyone in this world. some were paved some just a garden path cutting through randomly in the grass but a path nonetheless leading to your 'ultimate self' (sounds so chim rite?). sometimes you know that path and all you have to do is just go along with it and BAM you are somebody. but others is so long winded it takes forever to reach that.

and then theres you. who knows that path but purposely deviates from it believing being like 'others' is better. and i just dont understand why.


ciaox